why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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