So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize