There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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