i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
