i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
