I need help removing her.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
