have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
