my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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