I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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