I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
