I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
