y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
