let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We had sex on a dog bed..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
