maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
