Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize