Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
