i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
