my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
