eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize