Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
