all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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