Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
