You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
