office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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