I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
