does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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