I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hippo gnu deer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
