I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
