Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
