Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need moral support for this bender
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
