Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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