he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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