Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
even my farts smell like vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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