apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
