"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
