You can't special order awesome
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
