I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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