mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
