At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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