Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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