I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
this is an emotional support booty call
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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