You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
