I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
