I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
