I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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