There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
