WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
