my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
