I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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