I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
