I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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