fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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