I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
