Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
