I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
