new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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