Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
