So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
