I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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