u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
