i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
