omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
