im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm like, not good at living.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
