I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
