I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
