it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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