does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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