Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
