Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
