You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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