As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
