Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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