The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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