so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
