dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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