mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize