Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
