That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
