I can text with my tongue
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
