Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
