I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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