the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
