Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
