Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
