Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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