Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
