How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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