i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
