I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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