you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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