We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
