I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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