Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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