:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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