Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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