please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
