Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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