He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
