I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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