To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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