Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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