if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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