I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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