38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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