Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
