I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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