Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
