so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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