you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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